BookTestimonial from a 67 year old woman!

After my presentation on September 9, 2013, at the Oshkosh Public Library, I received and email

from a 67 year old woman who read my book and came to the conclusion that she suffers from PTSD.  Here is her testimonial for my book and details of her personal story.

Please post comments of support for Helaine!

Hi Leslie,

Coincidences are so much fun for me. PTSD has been floating around in my mind for some time - basically regarding the vets coming home without regaining their identities. When I read about your book, I immediately downloaded it to my Kindle and suddenly everything became clear.

 

I am 67 years old and my youngest son (I have 3 sons) who is 35 year old keeps triggering me by saying really negative statements to me. From these statements, I know my reaction goes way back to when I was 2 1/2 and my brother was born.

 

I hid behind a curtain waiting for someone to mention me - but nothing happened - it was all about him. I grew up with tremendous fear as I am the first generation on my father's side. He and his family fled by foot during the Russian Revolution as they were going through Jewish parts of Russia and killing and raping all the people.

Therefore, I grew up in a family where men were very important and would carry the name to another generation. My mother gave over her identity to him. She turned out to be severely handicapped with OCD and depression.

I am still having a lot of issues around her as she did not teach me one thing about being a homemaker. When I would ask to help make the bed - she said, “No, she would just have to do it again.” Also we were not allowed in certain rooms after she vacuumed. She did not teach me to cook and no showers were allowed because then she would just have to wipe it down. I had no privacy - none - and she would throw away papers I would want to save, etc.

At age 2 my brother went into the hospital with pneumonia. My mother and father fought over him constantly completely forgetting they had a daughter. My only job was to get married and give my dad dividends in grandchildren.  He put all his hope on my brother.  My brother did not like sports - dad made him play. It was his way, I believe, to complete himself by taking our identities away from us.  

 
I would hear constantly if they did not like what I was doing-They said, “I was killing them.” When I had trouble with math, “I was good for nothing and an idiot.” There were never any hugging or holding or saying I love you or touching.  I felt invisible and totally unworthy. When I did do something to their satisfaction, there was no celebration just on to the next thing. I was extremely anxious as you can imagine.  I would wake up in the morning to see what mood my mother would be in. I could never have friends over because she had to clean her spotless house.  I escaped with my friends. I lied a lot just to get out of that cage.

“Your book was the eye opener I needed to realize that I have PTSD. You gave me this gift and I honor and love you for that. I have been in some sort of therapy since I was 40 years old. I went to many workshops. I am on Effexor - Zanax and Lamictal. I’ve been on these for years and they do help. I am a very emotional person (right brained). Sometime, I think I am carrying other people's junk for them. Physically this has shown up in a dramatic way which health problems. 2 hip replacements - 8 back surgeries - the last one a fusion - osteoarthritis.  I’m in constant pain and need most times a walker. I am seeing a psychiatrist - Dr. Vicente. When I first started seeking help, I had a therapist and psychiatrist. I do a lot of reading (my hobby). I still find that every morning when I wake up, I still need to know I am still loved by people. I need constant validation or I get depressed.”

I thank God that he sent you to me. Create for yourself magical moments!!

Helaine