Last night, I was contacted by Max Tucci and he extended an invitation to be a guest on his radio show in LA. He knows my story is worth telling and can reach all of us, Victims and Survivors. I am honored and I have accepted his invitation. I will talk with him later today for details. Check out his websites http://www.maxtucci.com and http://www.latalkradio.com/Max.php
This just shows all of us ,Victims and Survivors, that God has a plan for us. I prayed to God really hard through all my suffering and on my healing journey to please show me his plan so that I could remain courageous, strong, and stay a positive person while keeping my true identity intact by not letting my abusers change the loving, kind person that I am through it all.
With the prayer support of over 300 nuns that I work for, God finally has answered my prayers and shown me his plan. It is to tell my story so other Victims and Survivors will not lose hope, strength and their identity when things feel really hopeless and like they can't fight any longer.
I know I felt like that many times through my emergency stages of my healing process. Stay strong while either still trying to release yourself from the abuser(s) control or if it is going through the healing journey like me with:
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) flashbacks where it takes you out of the present and brings you back to your place in time of your abuse. Mine started at 3 years old and ended at the age of 23.
- Body memories- feeling the abuse in the present when I knew my abuser(s) weren't there in the room while feeling the rape and molestation, over and over again.
- Smelling the scent of my abuser(s) as if they were in the room or smelling wood chips, cool ranch Doritos, perfume and nail polish that triggered me to flash back to my abuse
- Hearing sounds such as loud or repeating sounds or words, or hearing motorcycles or a door slamming that triggered me to another flashback
- Seeing visual set ups of every room that I was victimized in, and more!
Also surviving the Conversion and Somatization disorders while experiencing strange unexplained symptoms that made the doctors prejudge, mistreat, mock, ignore and dismissed me as a hypochondriac. I understand all of you, Victims and Survivors, please remember you know what is happening to your body only you can feel it. Don't let ignorant people who do not have a clue what we are experiencing make you feel crazy or ashamed for trying to seek help.
Don't give up keep trying to reach out for help through the Domestic Abuse Center, or Rape Crisis center, Suicide Hotline, or finally finding a therapist and Psychiatrist. I reached out to the Domestic Abuse Center, then it took me 13 years later, this year, to finally reach out to my therapist and psychiatrist. I was so scared I was going crazy because that was how the doctors made me feel.
Remember you are worth every moment of your healing process. I can tell you by being on the other side of the healing journey. It feels so good to live again with no more flashbacks, body memories, sensitivity to smells, noises etc. I know that their may be times where something will come back or possibly a new abuser will come to light but I know I was able to heal once that I can do it again and again until all of my abusers are powerless and I have taken back all of my body, mind and spirit.
Thank you to all my mentors, college instructors, family, Counseling and Art Therapists, and my Psychiatrist for all your loving and understanding support. I couldn't have achieved what I have without you.