Thursday, December 29, 2011

Breaking Destructive Patterns!

This year I need to work hard on breaking the destructive patterns I have of overeating and drinking large amounts of soda, 6-10 sodas per day.  These are both patterns I repeat due to my childhood abuse.  I get skinny as you see in the photo on this blog which was from 2010 half marathon.  When men start to flirt or notice me I become panicked that I will be raped or abused again so then I stop exercising and start eating fast food and large amounts of food and I gain the weight back. 

I have gained a lot of weight because I skipped the 1/2 marathon training for 2011.  I am now 210 pounds and am a size 18W so I want to get back in shape for the 1/2 marathon, 13.1 miles, for the Fox Cities Half Marathon in September of 2012. 

I am confident this year is the year I will be successful in breaking the patterns for good because I have the help of my therapist and psychiatrist, which I didn't have until this year.

This year I am participating in the half marathon to bring awareness to childhood/adult abuse.  I will have a shirt made special for my run that will have messages for people to read as they are walking or running.

What is your New Year resolutions?  Do you have destructive patterns you would like to break? 


  1. I understand your problems as I was sexually abused at age 12. I don't have PTSD as my mind has blocked how it started and I only have one particular memory for some reason. I have found anger and major depression that has surficed multiple times during my life. I wish you much success in 2012 in overcoming your issues.


    Tom Blubaugh

  2. Thank you for sharing with me. I'm so glad that you didn't develop PTSD from the abuse. It is a daily struggle to keep in the present day.

  3. good luck with your need to hold on to you - it's hard and it's daily work , but so worth it . i know!

  4. Thank you for thhe kind words.